Today I saw an interesting post that ‘got me in my feelings’. This person was extremely upset because at a gift exchanging Christmas party at work they received a handmade gift from their secret Santa… More
I love word press! They gave me a title for my very FIRST BLOG! How sweet!
Anyways let’s get down straight to business. Yes this another blog. Yes I will be blogging about random things.Yes you can already leave if you are bored so far. But before you go let me tell you why I want to blog. It’s such an inspirational story that if it’s the only thing you leave with I will feel like I have made a difference in this cold cold world! OK so here goes…..
The truth is I have run out of fingers to count my friends that are now blogging away and loving every minute of it! It’s liberating and fun, they say! I’m not one to be left out of things (only the kind of things I enjoy) Why oh why would I want to miss out on a chance share my opinions and experiences and not care (or at least pretend not to care) how it will received by those reading it? I’m a very highly opinionated person and very passionate about my opinions. I want the world to know them now. It’s time. So if you are my friend and are blogger, know that you have influenced this girl to follow suit. I draw my inspiration from all of you. I don’t take being left out very well. Blogging is one of them. Ok enough, now you know the magical story that led us all here. Please do enjoy reading this. I will try and make you smile (or get you furiously mad) whenever you come here.
On a more serious note, I really hope that I will be able to engage your minds in a vast number of topics that interest my own mind. Through my blog I hope most of you will begin to understand who I am better (Christian ,feminist, daughter, girlfriend, sister, friend, musician, student, hairdresser, tailor, aunt), what makes me tick and what’s dear to me.
That was a nice and short introduction. I do hope you stay and read more……
“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” – Dante Alighieri
I saw this quote (above) and it stirred something inside me. Food for thought. Being a highly opinionated person is a very liberating , fun, annoying position as well as one that definitely earns you the lovely label of being called JUDGMENTAL. Having an opinion about everything is not taken up easily by those around you sometimes and sometimes can lead to very heated, never ending discussions that end in all parties agreeing to disagree (my significant other knows this very well!). Sometimes being very opinionated puts a lot of people in the awkward position of either agreeing with you or disagreeing with you. Both choices are not as easy to make especially if you hang around me and listen to the my choice of topics of discussion. Sometimes I pick these topics on purpose because being someone fascinated by social sciences every conversation teaches me something about society. I like that. Social experiments. Nothing harmful (I hope). Picking people’s minds. That’s all.
Now we live in a very terrifying world where one cannot simply be. A place where having opinions is shunned upon. You easily fall into a category of judgmental people really quick for standing your ground and sticking to your beliefs. Society has evolved into a place a where the moral thread becomes undone stitch by stitch every single day and every undone stitch is replaced by the phrase ‘who am I to judge’. We have all come to have the same response for everything. We feel it’s better to protect ourselves from scrutiny to a point of losing ourselves in this oneness identity that society is carving for us. It’s not cool to be an anomaly. This freaks me out on so many levels. We have a lot of people standing on the border of every moral issue and claiming it’s not their position to judge. But wait a minute, who said anything about judging?? All I asked is what your view on this is. I didn’t ask you to take the liberty of responding for half the world. Just you. What do YOU believe about this particular topic. I may have lost some of you here so let’s get to the examples section of this post….
I like to stay up to date and know what’s happening in the world. So a while back my Facebook feed became ablaze with term ‘blesser’. I had no idea what this term referred to and so I posted my question on Facebook and got my response. Here you will find out what a blesser is https://www.enca.com/south-africa/the-blesser-explainer. Go ahead, educate yourself. You’re welcome. So anyway getting back to the issue at hand. This is where things get complicated. If you want to enjoy the rest of your day text a couple of people with the simple question: What’s your take on blessers, are you for or against the idea?. Now this is a very controversial issue and l love being in the middle of it! Most of the responses will start something like…..Well I don’t wanna judge, if someone is comfortable having a blesser they should go for it, it’s their life and besides everyone has their own struggle so if getting one their way of surviving let them and besides look at you talking when you walk everyday and those with blessers are driving nice cars….. Most of the responses will definitely look like this. Now my only problem I have with such a response is that my question hasn’t been answered. Not really anyways. This is a response of someone responding on behalf of someone that has blesser. A seemingly distant person that is not part of this conversation. I didn’t question what you think about your neighbor that has a blesser. This question is about YOU, about what you think, about what that little voice that lives in all our heads says to you, about what you were raised to believe, about what code you live by as a person, about what you stand for. We have all heard the saying ‘stand for something or fall for everything’. Now you can imagine what kind of response I would have for such a question (deserves its own post!) I have had very interesting discussions about this and most usually end with the famous : Who are you to judge?….Well good question, I’ll tell you who I am.
I am my opinions. My opinions are a complicated tapestry of my view of the world, a moral code (both taught and one I created for myself) , the teachings of my parents, my religion, the country I grew up in and the schools I went to. All these influences make it very difficult to respond to anything with a neutral answer. My identity was formed and sealed and I cannot simply stand on the fence for anything. I live by a standard that I want to live by and maintain. A standard that cannot be wavered by society. I live by a code where I should be allowed to say no I absolutely disagree with blessers and not be labelled a sort of way. I live by code whereby I will not conform because it looks better ,makes me more acceptable and gets me more likes when I post things on social media. We live in a society so lost in terms that it doesn’t understand (people being called judgmental instead of standing for what they believe). People have lost their own identity. They don’t know anymore what they truly stand for. We live in a global village they say. We can’t judge, we are all different so we should accept everything quietly. It seems everyone is now fed one generic response for anything that has anything to do with morality. Everyone would rather not have a response when it comes to issues that might make them sound judgmental.
I have very strong opinions because, for example, I plan on being a parent one day. I want my children to say ‘my mom does not agree with stealing’ rather than have them say ‘well my mom doesn’t wanna be judgmental and says we shouldn’t judge those who steal because we don’t know their situation’. I want them to definitely take a moral side whether they agree with something or not. I want them to know that even if they grow up and develop their own ideas that differ from mine they must still be able to stand for their choices. This way I feel it that we live a more defined life than one driven by the winds of how others live their lives. And please do not misconstrue this post as me saying that I am perfect and I know what’s right and what’s wrong. I just know what’s right and wrong for me based on those things I said influence my every decision. I will not accept things because they have gradually become socially acceptable. I do believe we live in a global village but it’s up to you how you lead your life in this village. I respect and tolerate everyone’s choice and believe everyone should live the life they want BUT I will not let that compromise my own beliefs. I will participate in everything humanitarian but I will not let that change me and what I stand for. I, for example, will fight that prostitutes be treated with dignity in hospitals and taken seriously by law enforcement when they report sexually related crimes BUT that will never ever change the moral code that I live by that disagrees totally with prostitution. At this point I may have gained another label HYPOCRITE but that’s for another day.
Moral of this story is never find yourself on the fence on issues that define your identity as a person. Stand your ground and live a more fulfilled unapologetic life…..
…..And that’s just my opinion.
A lot of things happen around me and most of the time I don’t even notice them. It’s not because I don’t care but because I like to focus on things that edify me as a person and allow me to somehow to benefit from whatever it is that’s happening. This is particularly true about other people’s lives and what happens in them. Now before I’m chastised and labelled a hypocrite I want to clear something up. Like any other person I like the 411. For centuries past and centuries to come sharing 411 is almost a standard for any meet up that involves friends. It fills up those moments when no one seems to know what to talk about and its always nice to get the scoop and hear who Nhlanhla is going around with these days and how scandalous it is!. It’s almost inevitable. It happens. A problem arises when boundaries are crossed. I will explain…..
I like to believe that human beings are naturally curious creatures. We are born with it, we can’t escape. We are overflowing with this need to know. This very need has kept the wheels of invention going and allowed mankind to make life changing discoveries (like the guy who saw a cow lazily walking around one day and decided hey, I wonder what will happen if I grab its adders and squeeze; this guy’s curiosity changed all our lives). This kind of curiosity is good. Good curiosity is very good. Curiosity that adds zeros to your bank account, curiosity that changes the world for the better, curiosity that advances you in all aspects of your life and basically curiosity that is linked to making you a better person. Now this curiosity is admirable and should be cultivated in all of us. It should be what we all strive for. But it’s not the curiosity I want to talk about.
If you know me well you know that I am the most difficult person to get any details about my life from. I am the most cryptic person there ever was and the reason for this is simple. I divulge whatever is necessary and the rest would not make any difference to you if you knew it or not. It’s as simple as that. If you need to know it then I will simply tell you. I particularly find inquiries about mundane business terribly annoying. For example, and this one really always puzzles me, in 2016 someone asking me what my O & A level results were???? Like seriously??? First of all I honestly don’t remember (it wasn’t a string of A*s and As so maybe that’s why) and not to brag, I hold an honors degree in Psychology and you want to know my high school results?? You want to know my qualifications from almost 10 years ago? Just how is this going to make you a better person? Say I did feed this very odd level of curiosity and told you , how does it help you? Do you now start comparing with your own results and compare our level of intelligence? Help me understand. Unless you are HR at the United Nations ( I would love to work there :-)) then please help me understand how this piece of such outdated information will help you? Puzzling right? I really never understand this type of curiosity.
I only find some levels of curiosity disturbing because I personally have no energy to seek information that does nothing for me. At this point I feel it’s necessary to mention once again that I do listen to occasional ‘gossip’ and share it sometimes but I like to think of myself as someone who knows my boundaries. I mean some people seem to make a daily goal to find out as much as they can about other peoples lives. I have mentioned that I only publicize what I think is necessary even to my very closest friends. With this being said I also expect the same from someone that has decided to share some event or situation with me. I believe that if someone wants me to know something they will tell me voluntarily. I am not the friend that has many follow up questions having been told something. I’m not a detective, I don’t dig deeper. If you call me to tell me you bought a new car I will be happy for you and congratulate you but I will not ask you how much it was. This is information that I feel if you wanted me to know you would have said , Oh Nhla I bought a car for xxxx Euros. Asking this question will not change the fact that you have the car now, it will certainly not change anything in MY life because you did not use my bank account to buy that car. Some people will even go as far as wanting to know what kind of insurance you got for this car! It gnaws at them until they everything including what payment plan you have for this car.
Some have criticized me and said I’m cold and don’t care about what happens in other people’s lives and to an extent it’s true because I don’t care about knowing intimate details about people’s lives that really make no difference to my own. I am a caring friend and I do enjoy hearing what is happening to my friends but I never snoop. I hate putting people in very uncomfortable positions by asking them for information that will not change anything other than feed my curiosity. This is something that happens so often especially among friends and is destructive in the long run. I really don’t see why I need to know how much rent someone pays when I don’t pay their rent. I don’t see how it will make my day any better knowing how much you earn. It’s just an aspect of my life that I should simply never be questioned about because that’s something that is for me to know and worry about and it would certainly not do anything for you if you knew.
The moral of all this is that it’s very easy to get lost in other people’s lives and neglect your own. Everyone’s life seems more interesting and it’s so much easier to analyse and criticize. Every minute spent inquiring about someone else’s business is a minute lost in upgrading your own (can someone please quote me on this somewhere! such wise words Miss Mpofu).We spend so much time criticizing. We do it everyday with celebrities ( we all still want to know what drove Solange in that elevator and have come up with so many theories) and the very people in our own lives. Sometimes as a person you need to ask yourself just how much your curiosity affects you and the next person. Its good know things but sometimes it’s not necessary. Unless you are somehow directly linked to this piece of information it’s not necessary. Know the limits.
That’s just my opinion……